does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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