Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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