I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
