U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
