Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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