3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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