you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
