This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
