Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We talked him into tasing himself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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