Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize