In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
