I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
