names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
