in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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