You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
