and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
