I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
