when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
