So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your cock deserves a montage
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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