Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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