Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
