Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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