My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
