spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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