btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
