Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't turn off my feet"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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