I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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