for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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