I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
birth control should be required to get into college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She has the best kind of daddy issues
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
