My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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