God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
