but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
