Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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