Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
