There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
