Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
