I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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