You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
