Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
