words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
