Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
