I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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