I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
