tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
