Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
