Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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