So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
