You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
