found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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