yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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