got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
