if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you have to choose: penises or morals?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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