My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
