Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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