ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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