Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
