i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm at about main and main street
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
