Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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