ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
