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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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