i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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