Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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