You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
