I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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