Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
