Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
