I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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