I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
