my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
