she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
