i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.