So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.