Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ