whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.