I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you never un-have a 4some