STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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