so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
