he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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