He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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